Helping a Learner Through Overwhelm: Put on Your Bossy Pants

We generally use “overwhelm” as an adjective* or verb, as in, “I am overwhelmed because the complexity of this task overwhelms me.” Working with anxious learners, however, I’ve come to understand overwhelm as a noun. 

Here’s how one of my students described overwhelm:

I’m alone on the empty prairie. I see a stampede of horses coming right at me and the dust they stir up engulfs me so I can’t see or breath clearly. I’m helpless, paralyzed.

That’s what it feels like when I look at my email. 

You’ll recall that anxiety is the brain’s fear response to a perceived threat: fight, flight, or freeze. Overwhelm is a form of freeze, 

Overwhelm can look like the following:

Passive compliance with no action - The learner goes along with whatever you ask, but quietly does nothing.

Disengaging quietly - Participation shifts from full responses to monosyllables and nodding.

Unwillingness to get started - The learner passively waits.

Seeming disappearance - In a classroom, the learner may slip away or politely ask to be excused and never return. As a teacher you end up feeling puzzled, “Wait a minute. Where did that kid go?” As a parent, you discover the kid scrolling on their bed in the middle of day.

Self-distraction - Often the learner gets lost in mindless scrolling or doing an unnecessary task that’s vaguely academic.

For a “neurotypical person,” feeling overwhelmed is more like: “Whoa. This is a lot. Like, really a lot,” typically managed by a deep breath and remembering, “One thing at a time.” So it can be hard to understand why - for an anxious learner - overwhelm becomes a paralyzing barrier.

To help an anxious learner through overwhelm, we need to address the paralysis first. You can’t reason or convince them the trigger is “not too much” or “easy.” They won’t believe you and you’ll likely make them feel ashamed.

When you see overwhelm, matter-of-factly ask the learner if they feel overwhelmed. You’ll likely get a “deer in the headlights” look, maybe with a nod: freeze paralysis. The stampede is headed their way. 

It may seem counterintuitive, but we can really help an overwhelmed learner by putting on our bossy pants in the form of calm, simple directives. In that moment of paralysis, it’s a relief to be told what to do. Creating safety by gently dictating the next empowers paralyzed learners because they realize they actually DO have a little bit of control, which reduces the freeze.

If you can, for a moment, remember an event where you’ve been utterly shocked, perhaps by some unexpected/life-changing news or surprise accident: in that moment, you really just don’t know what to do next. It can be very helpful when someone tells you the next step. 

I distinctly remember setting my tee-shirt on fire leaning over an open flame. (I know. . I know. . So stupid and unsafe. I learned my lesson.) Anyway, I felt the heat, looked down, and hit the deck - instantly smothering the fire. But then I was stuck. I believe I would still be lying on the kitchen floor if my husband hadn’t suggested we take off the burned shirt.

To be respectful, I tell the frozen learner, “I can see you are overwhelmed. I’m going to tell you what to do for a little bit and I’d like you to do it, please.” Next, direct the learner to do the first step to reduce the trigger - usually it means getting the to-do list out of the learner’s line of vision. There is a super highway from the visual cortex to the amygdala, so it really helps to remove the anxiety stimulus. “Please put away the assignment for now. We’ll deal with that in a few. Let’s just talk for now”

To get them out of paralysis, ask them what’s wrong. The answer will be vague: “I’ve got so much to do. . “ Take them through a process to focus only on directly what is in front of them. Metaphorically, help them reduce the stampede to two or three grazing horses and give them a lasso.

Tell the learner that everything falls into three categories: a) “Off the Lifeboat,” b) Not Now, and c) What Really Matters. Because they are overwhelmed, they will tell you that everything “Really Matters.” 

Identify one manageable thing in the Really Matters category, giving them specific directives while narrating the rationale behind your decision. “Right now, the only thing you need to do is find one article on your topic. That is something we can do easily together. Please open up EBSCO.

To get started, the first step must be easily achievable. Success breeds success; motion creates motion. Learners gain a tiny sense of control completing the first task, which reduces fear and builds confidence to move forward. As they re-focus, they’ll feel more in control and easily take over the process. 

Once they have accomplished a small task, make a manageable plan to accomplish the “What Really Matters,” tasks do-able in the short term - ideally within 15 - 30 minutes. You may need to choose just one task and break it down into sub-steps. (Goblin.tools is an EXCELLENT app for breaking down tasks.) Everything that is not “What Really Matters” gets tabled for another time after the learner gains a bit of confidence.

Sometimes, “What Really Matters” cannot be realistically achieved. Help the learner identify “What Really Matters Most,” breaking into sub-tasks as necessary. Something is better than nothing. If a five page paper is due and there’s only time to write two pages, so be it. Two pages is better than no pages. 

In football, a Hail, Mary pass occurs when the quarterback, with nothing to lose, hurls the ball and maybe gets lucky. You may need to encourage the learner to consider this option, particularly with a complex project or paper left until the last minute. 

An example: a college freshman had copious notes, but had not begun a paper due in an hour. I advised a Hail, Mary. The student submitted the notes, wrote an email to the professor, and hoped for the best. It turned out much better than she expected when she earned a C instead of an F. Without the Hail, Mary, she would have had a guaranteed F.

Word of caution: Do not get ahead of yourself and start making long-term time/task management solutions - doing so will add to the overwhelm. In the moment, all you need to do is “What Matters Most.”  EVERYthing else can wait. There will be time for addressing the root cause of the overwhelm later. 

Paralyzing overwhelm indicates the learner needs support for a long term solution for executive functioning skill-building. If you help a learner work through overwhelm, make sure you follow up to get them the help they need. And, if it would help, you can always call me.

*Actually, it’s a participle, but who’s splitting hairs?